Shock and Awe: Total Assholes Hang Out in Midtown on Friday Nights

Friday evening I'm leaving work around 8 p.m., headed to the subway to go downtown and meet some friends. I'm walking west on 40th Street, but the sidewalk is totally blocked by about eight people who are in some little friend circle/huddle. Some are smoking, some are just yakking. Whatever. Not wanting to interrupt, I notice a sliver of free space—between a man with a cigarette and the scaffolding rail—and decide to pass there. As I pass by him, he swings his hand out with his cigarette (I suppose he was gesturing to make the point of a story). Out of shock at nearly having someone's cigarette land in my eye, I simply said, "Hey, watch it" and walked on by.

To be honest, I used to be the kind of person who would have said, "Hey, fuck you, what was that?" But I've learned that's not exactly the best coping method (Hey, Maturity!) and I just feel like it's better to try and be positive and make the world a nicer place as opposed to being mean. Anyhow. I say something like "Hey, watch it" and keep walking and I'm about five feet away when I hear, "Get out of here, you stupid bitch."

Well! Without thinking, I spin around and just stare at this guy. I mean, after all, what was his problem? He almost burned my eye out and I'm the one in the wrong? So, being my new nice self, I think I say something like: "Why would you say that? I was just trying to get by and..."

This is when he runs over to me with his lit cigarette and starts jabbing it in my face, back and forth, just millimeters away from my nose, cheeks, eyes. He is screaming: "Oh, you think I did that on purpose?! Now I'm doing it on purpose!" He's too close for me to turn around and run; he's right up on me. All I can do is take steps back, but with each one I take back, he takes one closer and jabs his cigarette in a new place. This probably went on for all of five seconds, but it seemed to be more like a minute, at least. To be honest, it was terrifying and I was really worried he was going to burn me.

Finally, one of this guy's friends had the decency to say: "C'mon, leave her alone." Still, he said it rather lackadaisically, I thought. Cigarette guy dropped his cigarette and walked away, back to his friends. I think I was shocked cause I just stood there for a second. I said: "My god, what's wrong with you?" One of his girl friends said to me: "Just leave him alone!"

Whaa? Me leave him alone? Then the cigarette man turned back around to me and said, "Yeah, get out of here with your fake Louis Vuitton bag." And at that point, I know that I REALLY should have started walking, but I was just really bothered that this dude apparently doesn't know what a Louis Vuitton bag looks like. They're brown and have those little gold emblems (I'm not really a fan), and my bag is this freaking huge, white, slouchy thing that I got at Urban Outfitters for like $50. It might be cheap, but it isn't a fake. So I said: "This isn't fake Louis Vuitton. It's cheap Urban Outfitters."

Which I realize might have been kind of annoying, but I have this thing with accuracy. And then I left.

I have a friend who claims that the fake Louis Vuitton line is a Jay-Z lyric. I don't know it.

I know I should have just walked away in the first place, but I just don't get people like that. Like if he had said sorry in the first place, and then I would have said, no problem, have a good night! And wouldn't everyone have been happier?