Amazon.com Goes Goth for V-Day

Amazon.com is circulating an e-mail filled with Valentine's Day gift ideas. Depending on your relationship with the giftee, you can choose a colored heart to suggest a gift. There's your typical red, pink, even a pure white, and black -- cute, Amazon!

Who knew that America's best-known online bookseller was so full, of, well, hate? Click on the black heart, and you'll see gift options for that person you just love to despise. Example: A 5-inch "realistic" rat. Here are some other helpful suggestions from Amazon:

1. A book called All About Scabs
2. A pig costume
3. An acne-treatment system
4. A book called Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life
5. A book called When Love Dies (this is actually a rather ingenious way to suggest to a loved one that things "just aren't working out"
6. A tick-removal tool
7. Alli weight loss supplement
8. Rogaine for Men
9. Wolf urine lure
10. Ex-lax

So, everyone, don't rush at once! If the past is any indication, I can hopefully expect to receive the weight-loss supplement from my mother.