Let's hear it for Ruffles and dirty socks!

Via Suck.

PBR-Themed Coffin or Beer Cooler?

It's both! This gentleman is using his PBR coffin as a beer cooler until he dies. Only in Chicago. Da Bears.

'An Abortion of a Magazine Company'

That's an awesomely graphic description, Nick Denton! It's from Gawker's story this evening about how Hachette (owners of Elle and some other mags you don't care about) is basically going to hell in a handbasket, fast. Which isn't so surprising.

There have been layoffs, their Websites are sucking, Nina Garcia is gone, and Gawker predicts that even head honcho Jack Kliger will be forced out soon. This is not so good because it makes me sad when older men are laid off from their jobs because I'm afraid they'll get depressed and won't be able to find another job and lose all their money/stock options on drinking and gambling. And yet!—It also seemed the perfect time to tell my Jack Kliger Christmas story!

It is three days before Christmas 2006 and me and the rest of the staff of Hachette's "magazine for illiterates" had been laid off the day before by Kliger in his office. I go back to pack a small box of my desk things and then head to the elevator. I push the down button, get in with my cardboard box, and just as the doors go to close, a man in a suit pops into the elevator with me. It is Jack Kliger leaving for the day. He sees my "I-just-got-fired" box and it's a really uncomfortable moment. When we get to the lobby, I consider saying, "Merry Christmas!" for comic effect, but I think I actually tried to be sincere and said, "Have a good night." In retrospect, I bet he probably thought I was trying to be an ass.

Nice.

Things I Did Last Night.

Dear Big Sir

Dear Big Sir:

Maybe when the subway is packed during rush hour, you shouldn't take up an entire pole by leaning your HUGE 6'5" or 6'6" body against it so that the short, dark-haired girl next to you and even the tall, blonde girl next to you and every other single person standing within three feet of you has to grab onto something else (like the roof of the subway car) or stand on their tippy-toes to reach the pole above your shoulders so as not to dig our fists into your back. Worst of all, you seemed to kind of enjoy this because even though people (OK, mostly me) gave you dirty looks that tried to say "Maybe you shouldn't hug the pole like this," you seemed pleased with yourself and wouldn't budge, which kind of makes you a jerkface, no? Even tourists budge when you look at them like that.

xo,
Lorem Ipsum

New Favorite Word: Abecedarian!

n.: one learning the rudiments of something (as the alphabet)
adj: of or relating to the alphabet, rudimentary

Most Disturbing Headline Ever

Grody. It reminds me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Principal Rooney says, "So that's how things work in that family" after he sees Sloane and her "father" kissing.

Man (Allegedly!) Tries to Cash Fake Check for $360 Billion, Never Learned Meaning of the Words 'Start Small'

My friend J. just alerted me to this story. Thank goodness for gchat!

Public Transportation, '70s Style

We need more hot pink in our current subway system. I like the turquoise, too. See more here.

This blog is starting to look like a kaleidoscope, no?