I've moved.

I needed a bit of focus, so I've decided to concentrate on my first love, books. And maybe a little taste of travel-related stuff too. But that's it! Focus!

Warm Afghans

Let's hear it for Ruffles and dirty socks!

Via Suck.

PBR-Themed Coffin or Beer Cooler?

It's both! This gentleman is using his PBR coffin as a beer cooler until he dies. Only in Chicago. Da Bears.

'An Abortion of a Magazine Company'

That's an awesomely graphic description, Nick Denton! It's from Gawker's story this evening about how Hachette (owners of Elle and some other mags you don't care about) is basically going to hell in a handbasket, fast. Which isn't so surprising.

There have been layoffs, their Websites are sucking, Nina Garcia is gone, and Gawker predicts that even head honcho Jack Kliger will be forced out soon. This is not so good because it makes me sad when older men are laid off from their jobs because I'm afraid they'll get depressed and won't be able to find another job and lose all their money/stock options on drinking and gambling. And yet!—It also seemed the perfect time to tell my Jack Kliger Christmas story!

It is three days before Christmas 2006 and me and the rest of the staff of Hachette's "magazine for illiterates" had been laid off the day before by Kliger in his office. I go back to pack a small box of my desk things and then head to the elevator. I push the down button, get in with my cardboard box, and just as the doors go to close, a man in a suit pops into the elevator with me. It is Jack Kliger leaving for the day. He sees my "I-just-got-fired" box and it's a really uncomfortable moment. When we get to the lobby, I consider saying, "Merry Christmas!" for comic effect, but I think I actually tried to be sincere and said, "Have a good night." In retrospect, I bet he probably thought I was trying to be an ass.

Nice.

Things I Did Last Night.

Dear Big Sir

Dear Big Sir:

Maybe when the subway is packed during rush hour, you shouldn't take up an entire pole by leaning your HUGE 6'5" or 6'6" body against it so that the short, dark-haired girl next to you and even the tall, blonde girl next to you and every other single person standing within three feet of you has to grab onto something else (like the roof of the subway car) or stand on their tippy-toes to reach the pole above your shoulders so as not to dig our fists into your back. Worst of all, you seemed to kind of enjoy this because even though people (OK, mostly me) gave you dirty looks that tried to say "Maybe you shouldn't hug the pole like this," you seemed pleased with yourself and wouldn't budge, which kind of makes you a jerkface, no? Even tourists budge when you look at them like that.

xo,
Lorem Ipsum

New Favorite Word: Abecedarian!

n.: one learning the rudiments of something (as the alphabet)
adj: of or relating to the alphabet, rudimentary

Most Disturbing Headline Ever

Grody. It reminds me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off when Principal Rooney says, "So that's how things work in that family" after he sees Sloane and her "father" kissing.

Man (Allegedly!) Tries to Cash Fake Check for $360 Billion, Never Learned Meaning of the Words 'Start Small'

My friend J. just alerted me to this story. Thank goodness for gchat!

Public Transportation, '70s Style

We need more hot pink in our current subway system. I like the turquoise, too. See more here.

This blog is starting to look like a kaleidoscope, no?

Craftacular=Awesome!

OK, I know I'm two days late with this, and I'm not really into posting personal photos—But! The Craftacular at Warsaw was so much fun! Excellent merchandise at amazing prices. I got an awesome black tank top, a great T-shirt from Jezebel (you can read more about the label here), some super cute note cards, and a kick-ass feather headband, which you can sort of see on my head in this pic, above. I didn't get the name of the gal selling the headbands, but I predict that she'll be big soon. She had such an amazing personal style and wonderful merchandise. My friends and I preceded the Craftacular with a great brunch at Lokal, and afterward we went to Enid's for drinks, and then finished the night at Barcade—kind of like a Sunday circa 2004 in Williamsburg! Fun, though. And the Craftacular offered pictures a la prom style—hence the photo above. See the rest of the photos here.

Someone Lost Their Drugs on Jay Street in Downtown Brooklyn?

The Pad Condos: Everyone's on the Same Cycle!

So I just learned that there's a new condo building in Williamsburg called "The Pad." Which to me sounds like a maxi pad. But whatever. So I thought I'd check out their Website (not b/c I will ever be able to afford a condo—and if I could, I wouldn't live somewhere named after a feminine product—but for fun!). And, ta-dah! Their intro page has three red dots parading against a white background! It looks like a period commercial. How did NO ONE CATCH THIS? Did Kotex do the Web design for "The Pad"? This should win some sort of worst-marketing-ploy-ever award.

'The Last Person Who Sat at This Desk Died.'

File under: Conversations at your new freelance job that make you sad and just a little bit wary.

If We're Not Open, It's Because We're Closed.

Courtesy of my friend Kimmie, who works for the Peace Corps and just received this picture via e-mail from a volunteer in Africa.

Blogger Regresses to Age Five With Repeated Viewings of Sesame Street Clips on YouTube

And the subway one is my favorite. I especially love the lady who's like, "You should say you're sorry!" Also, I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get this song out of my head for the next five years, but it's better for my daily commute to involuntarily think of this song as opposed to horrific wheel screeching. See, I once saw a filmed version of Amiri Baraka's The Dutchman, and for months, every commute brought to mind that ominous horror-movie "eeehkk-eeehkk" the subway made in that production.

Flip-Flop Weather, Finally

Tulips in Washington Square Park, Saturday

Another sign that summer is on its way: McCarren Pool has announced its summer lineup, beginning with M.I.A. and ending with Wilco. I lived in Chicago for four years and took away a lifelong love for the Cubs, deep-dish pizza, and Wilco, so I'll be one of the suckers handing over my hard-earned 40 bucks (plus outrageous Ticketmaster surcharge!) to be there.

Does Candy live in a loft in Williamsburg?

Cause when I lived in a loft at South 4th and Bedford, bright eager things would move into the building and they would post some random, friendly note like this in the elevator (it was usually the ones who were a bit older and trying to create a sense of "community"). And this (above) is exactly the response they would get—probably by some NYU-attending, parent-mooching asshole, but who's to say?

Also, Candy, next time, don't put your name! And maybe you could start going by Andy instead of Candy? Candice? No, definitely Andy. It's a cute name for a girl, like Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.

Photo via The Triumph of Bullshit

Someone is blasting Stevie Wonder on the street in front of my apartment right now ...

And wow, I think I'm going to program "Superstition" and "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" into my phone/alarm clock to wake me up every morning. Stevie's voice makes you super cheery, especially on bright and sunny days!

Orange gets the short end of the stick.

Patrick Moberg illustration via A Shot of JD